May
15, 2019
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The
Gatekeepers’
Role in Supporting
High-Risk
Populations:
Part Two
–
Carolyn V.
Coarsey, Ph.D
Evidence
now indicates that
lesbian, gay,
bisexual, and
transgender (LGBT)
populations, are
indeed, at elevated
risk for
suicides.
–Paul
Quinnett, Ph.D.
The
April QPR Quick Quotes
article provided an
example of a corporate
executive who revealed
his homosexuality, after
he married, was a
respected family man,
and held an excellent
job in his profession.
With proper support and
understanding from
family, friends, and
those in his workplace,
this gay man was able to
integrate his long-held
secret into his family
and business life. Today
he lives a successful
life that he never
believed possible—before
he owned his truth. In
the article, references
include the many
challenges that
individuals of the LGBT
group face. Part Two of
the piece features
highlights of an
interview with a female
airline pilot who
transitioned from “Don”
to “Kelly” at age forty.
41%
of transgender
adults said they
had attempted
suicide, in one
study. The same
survey found that
61% of transgender
people who were
victims of
physical assault
had attempted
suicide. [1]
Born
the eldest of two sons,
Kelly was given her
father’s name at
birth—Donald Lepley, II.
Her family was
close and her
relationship with her
father was strong.
Kelly’s lifelong dream
was to become an
aviator. By the time she
was 21, Kelly was a
flight engineer on the
Lockheed Electra. Like
most successful airline
pilots, her career was
filled with stepping
stones before landing
her dream job as a pilot
at UPS.
Determined
to play the role of a
man, Kelly married
twice. While her first
marriage was short,
her second marriage
lasted for fourteen
years and resulted in
the adoption of two
daughters. At the
expense of her
personal life,
Kelly’s career
flourished. She and
her family enjoyed the
healthy life
associated with that
of a successful
airline pilot, living
in a beautiful home,
owning multiple rental
units, and selling
real estate, while
serving on the Board
of an International
charity that cared for
orphans in India.
From the outside world
looking in, she was
living the good life.
However, what most
people did not see,
was the internal pain
she held within.
While
Kelly never felt
suicidal, she endured
years of trauma that
slowly took a toll on
her life; manifesting
into depression,
frustration, and
anger. Little was
known of Gender
Dysphoria when she was
growing up. Till this
day, many outside the
medical community do
not understand the
ramifications for
those who suffer from
this condition.
Leaders of the
Christian faith cast
them as “Confused”.
As Kelly states, “No
one would choose this
path out of confusion.”
They
know who they are. As
a young girl, Kelly’s
mother learned of her
struggle at the tender
age of 10. There were
no resources back in
the 1970’s. Very
little research had
been done prior to
that point. All her
mom had, was the
Bible. It was then
she learned of “God’s
perfection” in
creating her as a boy.
For the next 20 years,
Kelly’s survival tool
was to suppress her
identity by focusing
on what she loved;
that being to fly.
As
Kelly’s career was
reaching its pinnacle;
years of suppression
were pulling her
inward. She saw
herself regressing
from society and those
she loved. A pivotal
moment in her quest to
find the truth
happened after the
loss of her daughter,
Kaitlyn in the year
2000. Kaitlyn was born
with a Congenital
Brain Malformation.
Her life was short,
but it made a profound
impact on Kelly. The
Church embraced her
family during that
period, supporting
them with their love
and generosity. They
accepted the fact her
daughter was born with
very little grey
matter in the brain,
yet in reality they
could not accept Kelly
for who she really was.
It
was for this reason,
Kelly began to
research what she was
suffering from,
corresponding with
doctors, scientists,
psychologists, and
religious leaders from
around the globe.
Was this
something she created
or was there an
underlying factor? If
the latter, how could
she live with it? If
she dealt with it, how
would God look upon
her? These were
questions she sought
answers to knowing,
over time, her pain
threshold was not
going away. Rather,
it was reaching its
breaking point and in
the near future she
would need help.
That
toll came to a head on
July 27th, 2009, when
the pressure in the
bottle, could no
longer be contained.
For over thirty years
she had suppressed her
true-self, knowing
that if she sought
help, life for her and
her family would
forever be altered.
This weighed heavily
on her decision to
hold back until that
time where she could
no longer contain such
pain. It was on that
date, when the
threshold of losing
oneself had become
greater than the pain
of losing everything,
and she could contain
it no more.
As
expected, that
acknowledgement of her
desire to seek
professional help came
with great cost.
Within two weeks of
her disclosure, her
wife would file for
divorce. Leaders of
her church would weigh
in, giving her an
ultimatum. Either
accept the counseling
advice that included
prayer, repentance,
and counseling from
someone who had no
expertise in this
field or face dire
consequences of losing
her family.
Unable
to accept their
ultimatum, she was
ostracized from her
church, shunned by her
friends, and wound up
in court fighting to
see her kids. She
would go on to lose
everything she had
worked for and wound
up living in a garage
in Alaska. Looking
back on that part of
her journey she
admits, “Transition is
not for the weak of
heart.” It took
a strength from
within, a belief in
oneself, and an
unwavering faith in
her God to lead her
through that
tumultuous time.
When
asked if it was worth
it, she unequivocally
said, “ABSOLUTELY!
No amount of
wealth, possessions,
or achievements, can
equate to living
authentically”. You
can see it in her
eyes. You can hear it
in her voice. There
is just an
overwhelming peace
about her. She is the
real deal. What most
people take for
granted, Kelly does
not. She pointed out
that upon her surgery
there was an
overwhelming relief
knowing that for the
first time her life;
her mind, body, and
soul were now one.
Today,
Kelly is now Captain on
UPS’s largest plane the
B747-400/-8, responsible
for the carriage of
millions of dollars in
packages over long
distances where critical
decisions made in split
seconds matter. It is a
responsibility she does
not take lightly. It is
for this reason, she now
shares her story
publicly. Her passion
is to help those who are
suffering through their
own journey to see they
too can overcome what
may seem monumental.
[1]
Suicide
Awareness,
Voices for
Education,
SAVE
